Intercultural tips, taken from Culture from the Inside Out: Travel—and Meet Yourself by Alan Cornes (2004). Intercultural Press: Yarmouth, Maine.
A sojourner, one on the journey,
- feels comfortable and at ease in the new environment.
- successfully completes tasks and projects.
- puts local people at ease, and they enjoy her or his company.
Here I am with my two younger brothers. I think I looked happy and at ease, loving them.
This book helps us understand our own thoughts and feelings. We look inward to check in with our intentions. Are we authentic? Do we really want to build personal relationships with our hosts? Committing to what we are doing, we make the effort to be alert, aware, perceptive, and empathetic. We seek out opportunities to experience and to learn about the host culture in order to be able to see from our hosts’ points of view.
We learn about ourselves when we find ourselves in a new culture. We have our own mental programming challenged; what we thought was universally true turns out to be only a regional preference! We may find ourselves an “outsider” for the first time, though “class, age, gender, race, culture, and many other aspects will affect the individual’s actual and perceived power, status, and confidence” (p. 11).
Even across different languages, people can often tell whether we have doubts. Words contribute less than 10% of the total meaning. Our tone of voice and body language tell the real story. If deep down you don’t trust your hosts due to a previously ingrained prejudice, it will be nearly impossible “to stop some of that bias from leaking out, even if you want to make a good impression.” Our tone and attitude depend on our emotions, so it is crucial to be aware of them. We need to actively deal with any concerns, anxieties, or insecurities within ourselves because they can sabotage our plans.
As we deal with our inner concerns, we find ourselves better able to become “comfortable, open-minded, relaxed, outer-directed, curious, respectful, and humble” (p. 25). We carefully draw on what we have learned about general dimensions of national cultures. We avoid stereotyping by looking at what is unique about the hosts we are conversing with right in front of us. We consider ways in which we are different and ways we are the same between our hosts and us.
Where we see differences, we seek out similarities.
Where we see similarities, we seek out differences, because we see them as valued and interesting.
Here is a family reunion. My mom is in the middle. My family is in the gray. Families are good examples of how we are similar AND different.
Becoming flexible with our thinking, we learn to tolerate uncertainty—even when we “are not in possession of all the facts, have no idea what the big picture is or what will happen next” (p. 48).
“Empathy is the term used to describe the ability to view a situation or a problem from another person’s point of view” (p. 50). It requires sensitivity to non-verbal cues and an attitude of respect, even reverence, for the challenges both you and the other person are facing. You adapt your language in response to the nonverbal feedback given by the host—even being courageous enough to ask for help from them in understanding their responses and adapting appropriately.
I like this picture for the nonverbal signals of my younger sister Sue (in the glasses) as she empathizes with my effort to blow out the candles!
1. When you find yourself taken aback, nervous, or uncertain, wait a beat or two before responding. Your first, automatic reaction is usually culture specific, so give yourself time to choose how best to respond. Snap yourself out of any states of emotional upheaval or paralysis. Substitute words of love and support for the complaints (about yourself or others) that you are thinking. Breathe and relax. Imagine a friendly and mutually beneficial process and outcome.
In sum, when you experience a cultural difference,
1. Recognize it
2. Respect it
3. Manage it by making respectful choices out of love and optimism. Maintain your sense of humor, and enjoy the adventure!
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